Statistically Less Likely to Shoot Somebody

Let's see. It's been 25 years since Nintendo showed us Mario jumping and Donkey Kong throwing barrels and 20 years since Link ever picked up the Master Sword. That's quite a long time to keep characters reoccuring in games that make me keep coming back for more. Roller coaster riding pansies or not (whatever that means).

But I, too, think there is a problem.
Mario has gone from jumping barrels to flying through the air with a special cap to packing a talking water backpack. When Link picked up his first sword, little did he know that he would soon be traveling through time, riding horses and wearing special masks that made him transform. He even got to shrink and fight along side three copies of himself.

Then they both fought each other.

The last game I bought with Mario was New Super Mario Brothers. A flashback to 2-D sidescrolling Mario games with really nothing new to put on the table. A couple of new mushrooms is about all the game has to be proud of. Reviewers herald the new game as a born-again angel; they welcome it back with open arms like Mario hasn't been around since the NES.

Link's last outing in Windwaker was creative. It was something that no one saw coming. And I'm not just talking about the art style. The world that was created really put a good dent in the story of Zelda. I thoroughly enjoyed it. But now he's been morphed into GTA with a Wii-remote fairy. I'm not impressed. Once I transform into a wolf, I think I'm going to realize that I'm playing Link to the Past but with a canine instead of a bunny rabit looking for a mirror.

Now let's really focus on today's gaming. E3 2006 was just last week. Did Microsoft unveil anything that sparks a fire under me to buy a 360? Nope. Did Sony unleash a system upon us that would be the equivalent to the introduction of 3-D gaming? Nope. Did Nintendo really give us a system that would really give the gaming community the system that would revolutionize gaming? I think so.

But is that enough?

You say you want more grown up gaming. I can agree with that. I totally understand. I love Halo. I love GTA. But what are we really getting with GTA 4? What is Halo 3 going to do that makes me glad that I still game with the few hours I have a week? Will they have good stories that won't disappoint us? Probably not considering Halo 2. It was a pretty big muck up in my book. Will GTA 4 have us driving more realistic cars in bigger cities? Sure. But it'll also have you collecting a 1000 items for no reason and get blamed for kids shooting each other.

What I'm looking for in games, what both of us are looking for, is something refreshing. I'm counting, probably too much, on Nintendo's Wii. I don't really fancy the idea of playing drums or chopping wood, but I am interested in getting away from FPS games and driving games that just add new maps or weapons.

Don't get me wrong. An 360 is in my future. I'm hooked on Halo like I was hooked on the Matrix movies. They just keep disappointing, but when you're from our generation, you really can't get that shooting and crashing habit out of your system. Shooting was really all that Black had and look how much we loved THAT game. It was freaking amazing. And it was just shooting things!

But when I look at the New Super Mario Brothers game that I play every night, I just get drawn back into a formulaic game that soothes something in my body. It's like hearing that Boyz II Men song that gently massaged our brains 10 years ago. It takes us away from the pain of life and puts in the pain of a character that is made up on ones and zeros. That's called transference, and while it seems like it helps, it really just makes us want to have sex with the Princess.

This is not something I regret typing. She's hot.

So I have no idea what I just typed. Your argument has been construed into some type of monster that I do not know the means by which it was created. You like more adult games, I like them all. I think that is fair to say. I'll be getting a 360 and a Wii, you will be wondering what body part to sell to afford both the 360 and PS3. Then you will make me feel bad that I don't have the super awesome GT 5, then I will own all three consoles again and hate you for it.

That seems to be our relationship in a few sentences.