Perfect Dark: Robotron Meets HD

Perfect Dark: Zero is like playing King Kong: it's so pretty, the sucktitude doesn't seem to hurt so much.

Really old spoilers ahead.

I'm telling you, this is like shooting fish in a barrel. Or mice in a maze. That's more like it.

I get to, I guess, what could be considered a mini-boss. I broke inside the mansion to retrieve my kidnapped father and meet up with his captor and his daughter. What do I do? Challenge her to a "deathmatch" game. I get all TRONed into virtual reality (of the exact same room I'm really in) and start shooting. I shoot her dead once and she pixelates away. She comes back. She comes back 8 or 9 more times. Why is this twice as annoying as it sounds? She runs like a shooting range target at the carnival. No ducking, no hidding, standing around in the wide open.

That's what all the enemies do (at least so far). I can walk into a wide open room and see the shadows of 3 or 4 enemies just standing there, all of the sudden seeing me and sort of just aimlessly jog around and somehow hit my slow running ass.

So slow...

So now I beat her. I look at my father's captor and walk away. Uhhh...the creator of the "deathmatch" games heisted my father and I don't even get to slap his ugly (obviously later to be revealed glowing-eyed alien) ass.

WTF!?!

Who the hell wrote this game!

I'm now in no real hurry to finish this game or pick up the controller again. If someone wants to comment on why I should, either by spoiler or "seriously man, just keep playing", then I will. But had this been an age without internet, this game would be collecting serious dust in it's collector's edition box.

The 360 is going to pretty lonely for awhile. I'd love to see what it says about that.