"I Beat It"

It's the cry of all gamers. The post-apocalyptic statement that has become the bane of those that have yet to utter an instance of it; of those that have yet to attain it equally in the ever ongoing one-ups-manship of gamers.

What is it about those three words that make them flow out of the mouth like the accidental slip up of one man in conversation with his wife about an old dress? Why does it sound so over eager, so "bet YOU can't do it".

In the repertoire of a pimply 20-something I liken it to the "I f*cked her". The fact that this prick beat your game before you even got past the training level just makes it less exciting, if your into that one-ups-manship we were talking about. And if he can beat it, what's the point? Do you really want sloppy seconds? That game is a mark on someone else's bedpost. Let's face it, there's no holding anything over somebody who already tasted the sweet juice before you. He's been there and done that. Your cool for trying though. Really.

An then there is the salt in the wound. The rubbing it in. Not only will someone say they have to beat it, but they'll also include how short in which the amount of time it took to do so. Games have had a feature already that times us and mocks us every time we select our game save. We don't need a human to compare that too. We part time gamers may want to beat Metroid Prime in 5 hours. We may want to have a level 60 whatever in WoW. But the best chance we have in accomplishing those things is either by cheat code or by purchasing it with Live points or on eBay.

So this is to everyone out that that has a long list of beaten games: keep it to yourself. Unless we ask you about your conquests, no one wants hear about what game you tapped in your mom's basement or on your 50-inch plasma. Comprende?