My top (insert number here) list

After reading a list titled "7 reasons why gaming is better than real life"
(here is the link http://gameist.com/articles/7-reasons-why-video-games-are-better-than-real-life/)
I decided I have had it with these lists. I have vowed to never read another list. But I have decided to make an obscure one of my own as a part ways with these lists. I hope you enjoy it at least a little but. Since there is the notion that gamers can get a woman. I'll give you some reasons why they don't want them.

Top reasons why gaming is better than dating.

1. Phone calls are shorter.
If your girlfriend calls, you are guarantied to spend at least two hours on the phone. You'll hear her get ready for bed, the hair dryer running, her putting on her cucumber mask. All you can think is, "With this silence I'd rather be playing my game."

But when you contact your friend, it usually is a text that looks like this. "CoD 8 tonight?" and you respond with, "I'll be on at 7".

2. Dinner is purely for the nutrition to push you through an all night gaming session.
When you plan on having a night with the lady, it requires a lot. The dinner date requires picking her up taking her to dinner and bringing her to a quite place. And you still might get rejected for the happy ending.

When you plan on having a night with your favorite game console, all you need is a phone and a twenty dollar bill for the pizza guy. Make sure he brings the drink you ordered. No need to waste your time going out for four dollars worth of high octane caffeine drinks.

3. Cleanliness is not a priority.
For your girl you need to make sure you have cleaned every nook and cranny of your body. Put on some of that good old toilet water and make sure you don't sweat too much before the magic time comes.

With a game just make sure you don't need to dump, and for god's sake keep those controller seems clean.

4. Protection in games enhances the experience.
When you are with your girl, before the act or before the act is over you are required to provide proper protection. This stops the action and ruins everything (not to mention the act sucks from that point on).

In a game a break in the action is sometime required for protection. If your taking fire you need to stop and let that armor/health regeneration take place. Now you're ready to keep on going, feeling just as good as when you started.

5. Physical Discomfort is minimal.
With her there are too many ways to pull a muscle or strain your back while you try to keep things interesting. And the stairs don't help.

But while gaming the worst injuries I have experienced were the occasional foot falling asleep or sweaty hands.

6. Lights out experience, with the TV on.
A lights out experience with a female means she's not worth seeing in the act. And not something you want to brag to your friends about.

But when you turn the lights out while playing your favorite game. It makes the experience better by removing everything in your view besides the TV. P.S. turn up the surround sound to, it'll drown out all those little noises (like your baby crying for food).

7. Tea bagging isn't for the sober.
On both accounts tea bagging is only good if used sparingly. Don't be the idiot that tries to do it all of the time. Tea bagging while playing your favorite FPS is great for that team killing fool, to prove your quicker on the draw to kill him plus still kill the enemy.

Tea bagging a girl is usually done in a drunken state, so true enjoyment can only be had in the pictures of the act floating around the Internet. Besides, now everyone knows how hairy your teabags are.

8. The Television is your best friend and her worst enemy.
The greatest asset to a video game is an awesome high-def TV, enough said.

The number one thing a girl will complain about in your relationship is the TV. From complaining about the aesthetics of the TV itself, to the time spent not with her but spending it in front of the TV even if it's one day a week. Or that fact that she wants to waste your precious TV time by disgracing your pixels with John and Kate plus eight.

9. Power buttons are underrated, all women should have one.
The power button works the same as the mute button or just simply backing out of an online match when you can deal with an idiot. "Would you just shut up?" doesn't work to well when your talking to your girl.

It is so much easier to turn off a game when your tired of it than to say to a girl, "Can we just be friends?"

10. Beer goggles make every situation better, but only for that moment.
Getting drunk and playing games can make them a little more enjoyable. Nothing like trying to drift a Mustang while hammered.

Now getting drunk at a bar and waking up with a girl. No, that's much different. Your life flashes before your eyes, wondering what has gone wrong to put you in this circumstance. And what other mistakes did you make that evening?

11. Save spots are easy to find.
Most game developers find an obvious place to put the save spots on a given level. Typically the are well lit or they may even glow. At times they are actually flags or even markers on your HUD.

But for a girl on the other hand. The G-spot is something you joke about as a kid not really knowing what it is. And you spend your young adult life trying to find them never quite knowing if you made it. It would suck if a game could fake a save!

12. Hi definition is best when you include HDMI.
High Def only makes a game look better, high def on girl, not so much. When I play Modern Warfare, I know that every pixel could mean a split second and ultimately my demise.

On a girl, High-Def is just going to point out every imperfection on that Megan Fox. Just like watching an IMAX movie from the 3rd row.

13. Gaming in a car, so much easier.
There are people that install consoles in their cars. One manufacturer even built an interior around the 360. You can play at a red light, pause when it goes green and play again at the next red light.

With your girl, once you get started you need to keep going. It's hard to see where you are going with a plump dumper in between you and your ten and two.

14. I can be a gaming whore.
Online I can play with anyone, from anywhere. I can play with friends, family, and even people under 18. I can even play a game with a group of girls.

Not only is it mot right to have relations with friends, family or people under 18. Women would not like you hanging out with a group of girls.

15. The 360 is much better than the original xbox.
Games have gotten considerably better over the years. I remember drooling over how good Gran Turismo looks on the PS. Now Forza is leaps and bounds above GT. I can keep buying the next system and upgrading my gaming.

Over time, your girl is just going to start looking worse and expecting more from you. And it isn't as cheap to trade them in on a new model. You could always go the plastic surgery route. But that isn't going to change the processor, or wipe the hard drive.

16. Good acts.
Gaming awards you with achievements. I know I complain about the achievement whores but under this circumstance, I have to be by there side. Nothing like playing a game and an achievement pops up telling you have done something special.

Doing something special with your girl awards you with a lot. A car seat, stroller, crib, and a boatload of diapers.

17. Cheating gets you nowhere.
Gaming has modded controllers and lag switches. But you can always avoid those players or enjoy taking them out in the next match.

After a girl cheats she has a chance to make things suck for you. Whether it is a friend of yours that she slept with (there's one less dude to game with), or providing you with an STD.

18. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Anyone who has spent any amount of time with an NES controller in there hand knows about the callauses and blisters the can cause. Over the years the controller has evolved into a work of art that you can wrap your hands around and feel at home.

The bra strap has been around a lot longer than the first controller. And the still can't make them easy to get off. Some do look good while the are still on though.

19. Say my name.
Hearing someone complain about being killed by your gamertag is gratifying. You get to pick the name you want. It can be you alter ego (like Satanspawn), or describe what you're doing to the enemy (like Yougotnoobtubed).

When it comes to your girls. She is going to go and give you some pet name that will embarrass you in front of your boys. Like snoockums, or honeybun. Hey girls, how many gamertags do you see like a petname? None, and why? We hate them, that's why.

20. I don't like you.
While playing online, you can file a complaint about a gamer. Whether he team kills, has a racist gamertag, or uses language inappropriate for the situation.

Don't even dare complain about your girl to your girl. Matter of a fact don't complain about her to anybody. It is bound to get back to her. Fellas, it ain't worth it. She isn't going to understand what you're saying even if she takes the time to listen before forms her opinion.

21. RRoD better that IMmP.
The worst thing a gamer can see is the infamous Red Ring of Death.

The worst thing a girl can say is I Missed my Period. Enough said!


Not girl related, but worth a mention as a public service announcement.

Kidnapped
Getting kidnapped in a game is something you write a blog about.
You’re not going to get kidnapped so some dude can game with you. He's going to nab you to do something indescribable to your unmentionables.

What is the closest thing to being kidnapped that could happen to you in a game? How about turn on your 360 to pop into an ongoing CoD multiplayer match and you see [IW] before every gamertag on the other team.