Why Xbox Live Saves Money

Do you remember Rad Racer? Do you remember that old superbike arcade game, the one where you lean the chopped up plastic motorcycle to turn the bike? I think it sat in the back of every arcade in the 90s.

That is what Test Drive: Unlimited for the 360 is like. Control wise.

What in the hell are these developers thinking? Do they play their own games or just let some 6-year-old handle all their beta-testing? OMFG.

As soon as I loaded up this demo yesterday, I said, "Oh hell, this is going to be a sweet-ass Test Drive!" I had three cars and a ZX-10 to choose from in my garage. What do you think I picked out first? My character slowly pulled out of his driveway. Right at the end, the double yellow lines of the road began, like my rich character had the city pave right up to his crib. It was sweet. I gave the right trigger a pull and the bike roared and calmed, idling like a lion purrs. The default perspective is a combination of 1st-person tied up with look-ahead. Turn slightly to the right, your "head" turns even more. Without even moving down the road it made me sick. I like 1st person, but this is too much. Quick, change to solid 3rd person. Go, go, go!

The bike was quick. Damn quick. I took off up a hill and began to sweep into a turn. Well, maybe sweep isn't the right word. I ratcheted into the turn. I stopped to think about it and began again. I smoothly pushed the thumbstick and the bike's angle dropped 35 degrees like there were frames of animation missing. I've played a lot of motorcycle games and this my friend, was just dog meat. Bad sensitivity, very unsmooth, unrealistic control, awful physics. Smack into an oncoming car and you just stick to the bike and the front tire sticks to the ground.

Think the cars are better? I would have. I drove the Ferrari. This time, the demo loaded me up as a hot chick. I'm hot! The Ferrari wasn't. GT3 has better looking cars that this, but at this point I didn't care. It's an arcade racer, so I won't shoot it down too badly for having N64 graphics.

Again, switch to the none queezy 3rd person view and off we go. The gas and break controls are working well, and the steering seems to be a little better. The car has a lot of pull, so I think we should drift around an upcoming turn. Test Drive does not. Test Drive wants us to drive in the dirt and tear through some brush before getting back on the road again. At 10mph it handles well, but at 120, it's like turning too fast with a slot car. I'm left with the overall feeling that Unlimited doesn't fall far from the Test Drive tree (of successful releases).

I am so glad we are in the next generation of gaming: pretty crap.

When I get home, I'll do another write up an equally terrible new Live demo release, Just Cause. Here's a hint: Just Cause it's for the 360, don't mean it's any good.